The Comfort Zone of Disrespect: When Enough is Enough

By Tatyana Maizel, Pathways Family and Community Services, Reno

I find it both fascinating and horrifying how often humans tolerate disrespect because we are simply so afraid of losing connection, familiarity, or status. We would rather be spoken to poorly, or endure physical hurts, because at least this way, we are familiar with the loneliness, hurt, and betrayal that comes as a result. We have allowed this into our comfort zone, and finding a way out feels uncomfortable and scary. If we were to look outside of this zone, we might freeze in fear of the unknown. We tell ourselves what’s on the other side of this may be worse, and so we stay.

One way this disrespect commonly appears is in the media; from news talk shows, to sitcoms, to music and films. I have found that using this media in therapy helps convey difficult topics, starts a conversation around an issue, or demonstrates the humanness of life we all endure. For instance, I recently heard a particular line of a film that really resonated with me: “At some point I decided I would rather be disrespected than be alone.” While a painful thing to hear, I was able to bring that quote into sessions so my clients could use it to help identify their own confusing feelings. 

Our brains naturally gravitate toward the negative; it is what has kept us safe through the millions of years of our evolution and existence. However, a repeated pattern of negativity becomes detrimental to the self, and we must begin to explore the positive or neutral aspects of change. As we leave our comfort zones, we do experience fear of the unknown and tend to make excuses as to why change is not for us or can’t happen. Once we move past the initial reluctance and through our fears, however, we enter a phase of learning and growth, realizing that we can, in fact, do something new and uncertain, and that maybe, just maybe, our dreams and goals are within reach.

Take a moment to do a mini exercise with me. Disrespect is defined in the dictionary as a lack of respect, rudeness, or contempt. Based on this definition, how does it manifest in your life? Once you’ve outlined your personal definition and signs of disrespect, take a moment to look at your close relationships and environments. Which environments are supportive and nurturing, and which garner a space of disrespect and lack of consideration? How much energy do you devote to these people and places currently, and are they still worth your devotion? Who is a repeat offender?

I want you to then ask yourself the following questions: What if what lies outside of my comfort zone is better than what I am experiencing now? What if others can communicate effectively with me? What if others will not physically, emotionally, or mentally harm me? What if others are capable of handling me with the care and consideration I deserve as opposed to putting me down? Take time to think over your answers to these questions and explore how you feel as you go through each one. If a little swell of emotion ran through you, you may be ready to begin your unique path towards healing.

Do you feel like you are stuck in a zone of disrespect? Taking action to get yourself out may feel difficult, or scary, but our dedicated therapists are ready to help you take the necessary steps towards moving towards healthier relationships and your healing. Click the link below to schedule your first appointment at Pathways Family and Community Services. We offer convenient virtual or in-person appointments across the state of Virginia, and Nevada.